Tourettes and telemarketing
I received yet another callcentre sales call the other day. As usual, someone with an impenetrable accent made me an offer I couldn't understand.
Presentations: unplugged and seated
Following my tractor head-butting performance I'm not quite as quick on me feet as I was. Wouldn't be a major problem if it weren't for the presentation seminar coming up on June 5th.
Headbutting tractors: the bloggers enemy
The long absence of new rants produced a response that flooded our office with a phone call. Although it proved to be a wrong number, I thought I should at least explain myself.
The difference between simple and stupid
How clever is your marketing approach? Too clever maybe? Creative is good, but clear and simple is usually better...
Google on Dragons' Den?
I spend a great deal of my time talking to people who have great ideas. In fact I'm often stunned by the ingenuity, particularly of people with concepts for a new start-up business.
Smile for the unflattering self portrait
I'd like to tell you how fabulous I am. No, seriously, you'd be amazed what a rounded, caring, all-round amazing guy you'd be talking to if we ever got to meet.
As one door opens...
What's the thinking behind double doors?
Presumably it costs more to install double doors than it does to choose single. So if one of them is always going to be locked, why didn't you save your money?
Breaking fingers in public toilets
I'm not good with doors. Especially the ones in public toilets which, have you noticed, always open inwards?
Of wheelchairs and Bentleys
Calling on a client the other day I saw, once again, the three prime car parking spots in the car park with their signs proudly announcing that the spaces were reserved for the MD and his cronies.
Why John Wanamaker should have listened to Tommy Cooper
You'll like this; it gives you the chance to do impressions. Tousle your hair, stagger slightly, put on a gruff, slurred voice - if you like you can even wear a fez - and when you're ready, say the following:
Facing death at bullet point
How many PowerPoint presentations have you endured? How many presentation agendas have you vainly scanned in the hope of finding something interesting?
Where are the visitor spaces?
If you're so customer focused, why do the directors get to park next to reception?
What's the purpose of double doors?
Someone, somewhere must know why we pay extra for double doors and then always lock one of them.
If you're welcoming visitors to your premises, do something risky: unlock the other one.
Marketing: it doesn't beat working for a living
Let's start with a very important ground rule: marketing isn't a substitute for working your socks off.